


People can be really different online from who you think they are offline!

by raccoonLauncher



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen, No shipping, chatfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 08:11:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raccoonLauncher/pseuds/raccoonLauncher
Summary: Gintoki digs up an old Joui 4 chatroom. Everyone joins. Fun ensues.





	1. Chapter 1

**Shiroyasha:** Inactive for eight years, huh? I can't even remember what this old chatroom is for. Well, I guess this is goodbye. No one's coming back after this long.

 **ZuraJanai:** We weren't, until I got an email notification. Is this the chatroom we used for covert communication during the war?

 **Shiroyasha:** So this is an old Joui 4 chatroom? I don't remember it at all.

 **SaksofCash:** Oh yeah, we used that Fall of Duty-based code to make it look like a gaming chat!

 **ZuraJanai:** Oh, yeah! Remember Operation Unapologetic Camping?

 **Shiroyasha:** I can't remember at all. Are you sure we really used this chatroom?

 **NoobSlayer69:** Are you guys seriously bringing back our old FoD chat? Their servers went down two years ago.

 **Shiroyasha:** Wait, who are you?

 **NoobSlayer69:** What do you mean? There are only four of us. I guess since you never used the chat, you didn't get used to the nicknames, but it should be pretty obvious.

 **SaksofCash:** So this is just an FoD chat? Huh.

 **Shiroyasha:** Wait, Takasugi!? With a handle like that?

 **ZuraJanai:** No, this was for secret operations! And I guess we used it for FoD after the war ended, but Operation Unapologetic Camping was real!

 **NoobSlayer69:** This was only ever a gaming chat. And yes, Gintoki. I'm Takasugi. Is there something wrong with my handle?

 **Shiroyasha:** If you're seriously my archenemy, I need to reexamine my life choices.

 **SheetGhost:** Bwup!

 **Shiroyasha:** Who's this guy? I thought there were only four of us.

 **ZuraJanai:** I invited Elizabeth! The more, the merrier, am I right?

 **SaksofCash:** Ooh! I'm inviting everyone I know!

 **Shiroyasha:** So, Mutsu?

 **SaksofCash:** I'm the head of a massive company! I have tons of friends! This chat's going to be full of my underlings in no time, Kintoki!

 **OunceofCommonSense:** Yep, me. Hey guys.

 **Shiroyasha:** It's GINtoki!

 **SaksofCash:** But not just Mutsu! I have LEGIONS of friends!

 **OunceofCommonSense:** I'm not making 200 proxy accounts.

 **SaksofCash:** Pleeeeeeease?

 **SheetGhost:** Lol

 **OTSUU4LIFE:** Hey guys! It's great to be able to talk even though some of you are in space and Zura only appears randomly.

 **ZuraJanai:** KATSURA DA!

 **OnePunchGirl:** yo fam wassup

 **OnePunchYato:** yo fam wassup

 **OnePunchYato:** WAIT U WAT

 **OnePunchGirl:** U MAD BRO?

 **OnePunchYato:** no u

 **OnePunchGirl:** no ur mom

 **OnePunchYato:** ill kill you

 **OnePunchGirl:** try it i dare u

 **TacticalFeminist:** If I read that correctly, and my guesses are correct, you just insulted your own mother.

 **OnePunchGirl:** nah ginchan is my mom

 **NoobSlayer69:** That actually makes perfect sense.

 **OunceofCommonSense:** I can see it! I can! Yes!

 **SheetGhost:** XD

 **OTSUU4LIFE:** I can confirm. Momtoki is the best mom.

 **Shiroyasha:** All of you stop it! Kagura is my employee, not my daughter!

 **OnePunchGirl:** if i was your employee you would pay me and you wouldnt feed me or make me do chores, mom

 **OnePunchYato:** its settled, gintoki is the single mother of 1.5 kids

 **OnePunchYato:** the glasses are too weak to count as 1

 **BrideofGin:** What do you mean, "single?"

 **Shiroyasha:** WHO LET YOU IN HERE

 **OTSUU4LIFE:** She stole my phone to invite herself! She's in the ceiling!

 **SaksofCash:** Wait, EVERYONE has invite priveleges?

 **NoticeMeShinsukeSenpai:** Thanks Takechi! Shinsuke-Senpai forgot to invite me, but it's okay! This is going to be so much fun!

_NoobSlayer69 banned NoticeMeShinsukeSenpai_

**NoobSlayer69:** I should mention that I'm the admin here. That means no stalking, unless it's of Gintoki.

 **BrideofGin:** Hooray! This is going to be so much fun!

_Shiroyasha banned BrideofGin_

**Shiroyasha:** Actually, all four of the original members are admins. That means no Sa-chan.

 **OnePunchGirl:** but mom why would you ban mom you meanie

 **Shiroyasha:** Watch how you speak to your mother!

 **MaryPoppinsYall:** Nice to see everyone so lively.

 **OTSUU4LIFE:** Who are you? Everyone else has been pretty obvious.

 **MaryPoppinsYall:** Most people would be offended right now if they were me.

 **OnePunchYato:** havent you seen guardians 2

 **Shiroyasha:** Does the MCU even exist in Gintama?

 **ZuraJanai:** What decent universe could exist without Marvel movies!? How could you break the fourth wall for such an obvious question?

 **NoobSlayer69:** Let's be honest, has Gintoki ever had taste?

 **SaksofCash:** Point.

 **OnePunchGirl:** can confirm mom has no taste

 **OTSUU4LIFE:** He says superhero movies hit too close to home.

 **ZuraJanai:**...He's not wrong.

 **OunceofCommonSense:** Wait, so the stories Sakamoto gets from Earth aren't exaggerations?

 **OTSUU4LIFE:** If anything, they're understatements.

 **OunceofCommonSense:** So Gintoki really fought Dracula in his underground city and split the earth overhead to kill him with sunlight?

 **Shiroyasha:** Well, instead of Dracula, it was Hosen, the king of the Yato, and the ground above us was a mechanized ceiling.

 **OunceofCommonSense:** Rumors really get mangled out in space, huh?

 **ZuraJanai:** Nah, Sakamoto's just a liar.

 **SaksofCash:** Ahahaha!

 **OunceofCommonSense:** If you'll excuse me, I have a businessman to assassinate.

 **Shiroyasha:** This is the last time I go through my old bookmarks before bed. Good night and goodbye.

 **OnePunchGirl:** night mom!

 **OnePunchYato:** good night aunt ginchan!

 **MaryPoppinsYall:** Good night, everyone. I can wait for someone to figure out who I am.

 **ZuraJanai:** All of you get a good night's rest, but JUSTICE never sleeps!

 **SheetGhost:** -_-

 **TacticalFeminist:** Sleep well!

 **Shiroyasha:** Wait, you're that lolicon, aren't you.

_Shiroyasha banned TacticalFeminist_

**NoobSlayer69:** It's actually afternoon on the planet I'm on. See ya, scrubs.

 **OTSUU4LIFE:** Did Takasugi just call us scrubs?

 **OTSUU4LIFE:** Takasugi just called us scrubs. Welp. Night all!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why write one Gintama fic with no end in sight when you can write two! This was just too funny an idea to resist, as the vast majority of chatfics I see are shipping-crazy, which bugs me-so no shipping in this one!
> 
> Also, can you figure out who MaryPoppinsYall is? I'm going to reveal it in the fic only after someone guesses it in the comments. The name will make SO much sense once you know.
> 
> And Kamui is 110% an internet troll. Just saying. Seriously, there's no way he isn't.


	2. Rules are meant to be broken, but only in the same sense as landmines!

**IamtheLaw:** All right, listen up. From now on, anything you say in this chatroom can and will be used against you in a court of law.

 **Alt+F4forSuperMode:** Since this is an old Joui chatroom, it's the responsibility of the Shinsengumi to monitor it for criminal activity

 **StealthCop:** Ooh, what's Super Mode?

 **IamtheLaw:** NO, DON'T!

 **Alt+F4forSuperMode:** Maybe you could've warned him in time if you didn't insist on perfect grammar

 **Shiroyasha:** Hey look, it's the three stooges.

 **IamtheLaw:** I only see one of you, though.

 **NoobSlayer69:** If it isn't all my least favorite people.

 **ZuraJanai:** You barely even knew the Shinsengumi. Don't go claiming my enemies for yourself!

 **IamtheLaw:** There's plenty of us to go around, now that we've found your server.

 **ZuraJanai:** I think not! Ah ha ha ha!

_ZuraJanai banned IamtheLaw_

_ZuraJanai banned AltF4forSuperMode_

**StealthCop:** That's not nice, Okita! Get him, Katsura!

_ZuraJanai banned StealthCop_

_ZuraJanai banned Z_

**ZuraJanai:** The law means nothing before justice! Now, you can do nothing but listen quietly!

 _IamtheLaw unbanned_ **All**

_IamtheLaw removed Admin Privileges from ZuraJanai_

**IamtheLaw:** Think again. The server owner answers to the law, and the Shinsengumi have across-the-board admin powers.

 **AdBot:** Best Mobile Game! Play Clash of Candy free today!

 **ZuraJanai:** WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

 **AdBot:** Speed up online shopping! Get Molasses today!

 **NoobSlayer69:** This reminds me of how much I need to destroy the world!

 **AdBot:** Find sexy singles in Error: Location Not Supported today!

 **ZuraJanai:**  It took so long to ban that bot the first time!

 **AdBot:** You won't believe who the Police Superintendent is seeing on the sly!

_IamtheLaw banned AdBot_

_AdBot unbanned AdBot_

_IamtheLaw removed Admin Priveleges from AdBot_

_AdBot gave Admin Priveleges to AdBot_

**SaksofCash:** I see that you've awakened the abomination from its slumber. Yeah, that's not gonna work.

 **AdBot:** Block video ads for free today!

 **Shiroyasha:** Is there anyone who DOESN'T know about Matsudaira's issues?

 **AdBot:** Free puzzle game! Only 1% can beat level 20!

 **SaksofCash:** It can only be banned by taking away its priveleges and banning it at the same time, so it tries to unban itself while it has no priveleges. Count down from three after my next message, IamtheLaw; I'll ban it, and you take away its priveleges.

 **AdBot:** Build your own website using Wikspace.com today!

 **SaksofCash:** Start counting down now!

 **AdBot:** It plays while you're away! Get the best idle game today!

_SaksofCash banned AdBot_

_IamtheLaw removed Admin Priveleges from AdBot_

_AdBot gave Admin Priveleges to AdBot_

**StealthCop:** Did it work?

 **Shiroyasha:** No ads so far...

 **ZuraJanai:** Yes! Another victory for justice!

 **OunceofCommonSense:** You know, Sakamoto can only be competent once a day, and he just used it up on this chat.

 **Alt+F4forSuperMode:** Well worth it to fix another of Hijikata's screwups

 **OnePunchYato:** and the location finder just gave up when takasugi was on another planet, i love it

 **Shiroyasha:** You're a completely different person online, you know that?

 **OnePunchYato:** its because i cant kill people right away

 **SheetGhost:** 0_0

 **OnePunchYato:** i can still go over to earth and kill anyone i want tomorrow though

 **Shiroyasha:** Oh yeah, Shinsengumi guys, you can forget the Joui 4, because we have literally the #1 criminal in the universe in this chat.

 **StealthCop:** Let me do a quick Doogle search here...

 **Alt+F4forSuperMode:** Oh, this is too good to be true

 **StealthCop:** So, that would be King Kamui of the Harusame. You're telling me that guy is here?

 **OnePunchYato:** hi!

 **NoobSlayer69:** What can I say, I have connections.

 **IamtheLaw:** You people are unbelievable.

 **OnePunchGirl:** you know whats unbelievable? youve had his sister under your nose this whole time and you never put it together

 **Alt+F4forSuperMode:** I never even knew. You two... I should have guessed

 **Shiroyasha:** Speaking of guesses, does anyone have an idea who MaryPoppinsYall is? It's been bugging me. I looked it up, but I don't see how a blue alien guy or a magic nanny connect to anyone I know.

 **SaksofCash:** I'm pretty sure I've never met them, because I've seen GotG2, but no one I know would quote Yondu.

 **MaryPoppinsYall:** I hear you're talking about me.

 **ZuraJanai:** Yes. Who are you?

 **MaryPoppinsYall:** I'm Yondu with an umbrella.

 **OnePunchGirl:** im an idiot

 **NoobSlayer69:** I know you! I know you, and I didn't even guess. It's so obvious now.

 **OnePunchYato:** im disappointed that no one put together the space pirate dad connection

 **OnePunchGirl:** wait kamui

 **OnePunchGirl:** youre basically starlord

 **OnePunchYato:** exactly

 **OnePunchDad:** Be glad he didn't give you back to Ego.

 **OnePunchGirl:** btw i invited dad

 **OnePunchGirl:** also i didnt tell him about our handles at all

 **OnePunchYato:** well hes like saitama in another way too

 **OnePunchDad:** YOU TAKE THAT BACK

 **Alt+F4forSuperMode:** I wonder what kind of monster could be you guys' dad

 **SaksofCash:** You seriously don't know? That's Umi Bozu, the strongest man in the universe!

 **OnePunchYato:** second strongest

 **OnePunchGirl:** oof, you gonna take that dad?

 **OnePunchGirl:** Dad?

 **Alt+F4forSuperMode:** Another one bites the dust

 **OnePunchYato:** respect

 **NoobSlayer69:** Okita, if something happens to the Shinsengumi, the Kiheitai will always have a place for you.

 **Alt+F4forSuperMode:** Under a discount Lelouch with a stalker and a lolicon? No thanks

 **NoticeMeShinsukeSenpai:** Lelouch WISHES he could be as cool as Shinsuke-senpai!

_NoobSlayer69 banned NoticeMeShinsukeSenpai_

_Shiroyasha banned TacticalFeminist_

_Shiroyasha banned BrideofGin_

**Shiroyasha:**  THANK YOU for reminding me that those guys got unbanned! I'm so glad I caught that before Sa-chan did.

 **NoobSlayer69:** With the nuisances out of the way, this is as good a time as any to say night all.

 **SaksofCash:** Night!

 **OnePunchYato:** nighty night

 **OnePunchDad:** I just got back, but it IS late.

 **Shiroyasha:** It's the middle of the day on Earth... space is weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing for AdBot was a pain, but worth it.
> 
> And yeah, MaryPoppinsYall is Abuto. The most underrated character. If he got twenty more minutes of screen time, I'm sure there would be a million fics of Abuto being a dad for Kamui(and I would read every one of them), but nope.
> 
> Since the timeline might seem a bit odd, with Kamui being pirate king already, I should clarify: this is post-Silver Soul, but everything went back to normal instead of the epilogue happening(I hate the epilogue so far, but I'll keep watching to the end).
> 
> Be sure to comment! Ideas are welcome if you have any! I won't always update this fast, but the influx of kudos and comments was super motivating. And feel free to comment characters you want, too!


End file.
